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Apr

15

Hell’s Kitchen

Not to get all entertainment on everyone, but I’ve got to admit that I’m addicted to Hell’s Kitchen. Rolling right in after American Idol has got to be a sweet deal for the extreme cooking show.

I would have always thought that being a chef would be a killer job, but after watching Chef Gordon Ramsay, it remind me more of R. Lee Ermey’s Gny. Sgt. Hartmann’s basic training course in Full Metal Jacket. Not exactly the same, but with the same break them down and build them up into new men and women quality.

The aspiring chefs are all holding chickens. And, they also have meat cleavers. Someone call PETA! They’re going to chop some chicken. Maybe not — Gordon Ramsay tells everyone take put their chickens back into their pens.

They’re all chopping dead chickens from the store. Chef Ramsay’s looking at some dude — Jason from Las Vegas — who has seriously messed up his slice of chicken. Everyone on Hell’s Kitchen always messes up — and not just a little. Something has to be butchered beyond recognition, scorched, or otherwise made unappetizing or inedible — often to the point where Chef Ramsay has to fling the offensive food across the kitchen slamming it into a wall.

The women win the chicken chopping contest. They guys are all a bunch of losers. They’re looking at slicing out the dead wood on their team. Craig’s head could be on the chopping block tonight.

The women get ready for their trip out to a fancy restaurant. The men are all dudded up in bib overalls and straw hats. They head off in a beater bus for a day of hard labor.

The women walk into the Saddle Ranch and see Aaron on a mechanical bull. Chef Ramsay says he feels like crying. All of the women are going to climb on the mechanical bull while the guys are doing the work that Americans don’t want to do. Jason complains that he is chubby and doesn’t like to do manual labor. The guys are pretty weak.

Jason and the guys get back from their hard labor of picking peppers. Jason is not even out of his overalls before he is tempted by Christina to hop in the hottub. Nothing good can come from that because the women have already told the camera crew that they’re planning to play some mind games. Jumping into the hot tub makes the guys jealous and they’re mad at him — never a good thing on a show that requires team work. Christina doesn’t like Corey. It should be fun in the kitchen tonight.

Can the guys ever remember to study their menus? Someone needs to get them some Ritalin to help with the concentration. Less time in the hot tub for Jason next time!

Are kitchens in real world restaurants like they are in Hell’s Kitchen? People are all griping and complaining. Others are moving slow or messing things up. Instead of making food that will get to a table in a few minutes, it seems like it takes ages. Chef Ramsay’s yelling at Rosann telling her she isn’t stupid because she’s from the back streets in an effort to kick it up a notch or two. Petrozza gets a compliment from Chef Ramsay — good work. Ben calls Craig an idiot because he can’t figure out to work at his station properly. An order goes out incomplete. The chaos continues as Jason takes a smoke break and tries to remember the menu but fails after his second chance — will Chef Ramsay send him home after the commercial break? Keep watching to see.

Jason’s wimping out. He wants to go home. He manages to tell Chef Ramsay the menu, however. The drama is over for a few seconds as Chef heads over to terrorize Vanessa who is ruining the meat. Let’s not forget about Bobby out on the floor — Chef Ramsay goes over to check on him.

More chaos. Never fear chaos. Exploit chaos. Remember Crimson Tide and how the Captain loved running the drill during the fire alarm? Fire! hehehe as Beavis used to say. There’s a fire in Hell’s Kitchen — flames and scorched Earth on the women’s side as they burn more meat! You know what that means — Chef Ramsay flings some meat. Things continue spiraling out of control. Break out the Pepto. Chef’s making the guys eat some undercooked fish.

Will there ever be a night where things go calmly in Hell’s Kitchen? I don’t think there will ever be such a night. That’s the problem with hell. It just keeps on going and going and going. More and more chaos. Things will never be under control. It’s just like Groundhog Day, except the aspiring chefs will never repeat their day in the same way. They are destined to suffer for eternity as Chef Ramsay — or is he the Devil? — continues to torment them for their sins.

There’s gnashing of teeth and wailing as the teams are sent upstairs to await their judgment day.

Back to Hell’s Kitchen. Chef Ramsay asks Petrozza who he has selected. Jason is offered up to be thrown into the volcano. Christina nominates Vanessa to go home. Jason fights for his survival while Chef Ramsay says he moves like a tortoise giving birth. Chef says Vanessa is like a refrigeration unit because she’s cold. Recap all of their mistakes. Vanessa is told that she — after a dramatic pause — has a second chance but needs to improve her service. Jason’s picture is lit aflame because he’s walking off out of Hell’s Kitchen.

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